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WEB SITE
TERMS OF USE
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and
made us use a precious button on our home page to get you here. At
first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the
page. What a Netwakening! It's really important stuff. We took the
legalese the lawyers wrote and translated it into readable English. So
be a smart nethead and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent
you from hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty
people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
We run this site so that people like you (and people you like) can use
it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication,
and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You
can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial,
personal use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright
and other notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good
reason. And don't even think about distributing, modifying,
transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of
the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public or
commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And it's not
likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to [read: stuck
with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or
regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web,
or Los Angeles, CA. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have
any problem with that, because once you start, there's no turning back
-- you are bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who hang out
on our site:
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that
everything on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you
can't use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or anywhere
else on the site without our written permission. And like we said
before, it's not likely we'll give you permission anyway. In fact, even
if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal anyway. So
it's better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to include accurate stuff
on the site, we're not promising you it's accurate. In fact, we're not
promising you anything except fun and entertainment. So if you use
stuff on the site, you're using it at your own risk. Don't call us if
there's a problem because we assume no liability or responsibility for
errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped us
create, produce, or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you
suffer when you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know
that our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental, consequential,
indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or use of,
the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on the site is
provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED
OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion of
implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply to
you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations
regarding the exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful
from the mouthpieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn't
figure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But
here's the bottom line -- we're not responsible if you're browsing
around and the site damages you or your computer or infects it with any
nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, don't
call us.
4. If you don't want the world to know
something, don't post in on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace
else. That's because anything you disclose to us is ours. That's right
-- ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff you post. We can
reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it, broadcast it, and
post it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother (as soon as
we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas,
concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to,
including, developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other
stuff using the information you post.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on
the site are either our property or someone else's property we're using
with their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your
property. You or any of your net-friends can't use it unless we said
you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And guess what --
we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because unauthorized use may
violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you download
to yourself.
6. There's also a lot of trademarks,
logos, and service marks on the site that either we own or we're using
with someone else's permission. So don't think you have any kind of
license or right to use them, because you don't and we're not about to
give you one. If you don't leave them alone and mess with our
trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll probably go
ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos
and service marks. That means that we're likely to sue you or to ask a
prosecutor to come after you for messing around with our property or
the property of others.
7. You'll probably notice we've linked
our site to lots of others. While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've
looked at all those sites, much less checked them out periodically to
see what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link to is bad
or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link,
but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do on our
own site. While we occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at
the posting in our discussion groups or on our bulletin boards, we take
no responsibility and assume no liability for the content of those
locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel, slander, omissions,
falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you might encounter
when you visit such places on our site. And don't be stupid by posting
or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory,
obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or
profane material or any material that law enforcement types may
consider a criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit,
or for that matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we
certainly respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully
cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask
us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software that we use on this Site is
protected by all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you
can't download or send the software to anyone in the vacation travel
spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other
country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get this) to
anyone on the United States Treasury Department's list of Specially
Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of Deny
Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on
the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are
a national of any of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to
be reading this page, so beat it!
10. We're also allowed to change this page and
anything else on the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours
and we have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page,
then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever
you visit our site.
11. If either of us wants to make
something of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then we have to
follow these rules of engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva
Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of New York,
without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to violate
www.pottytrain-dog.comand/or its affiliates' intellectual property
rights, www.pottytrain-dog.comand/or its affiliates may seek injunctive
or other appropriate relief in any state or federal court in the
State of New York, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue
in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try to
resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the
following location: Clinton County. Any costs and fees other than
attorney fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by
each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution
through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to binding
arbitration at the following location: Plasttburg New York, under the
rules of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award
rendered by the arbitration may be entered in any court with
jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen
what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them
that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States.
Boy, did they look disappointed!
November 18,2007
www.pottytrain-dog.com
This Legal Document Was Produced Using AutoWebLaw
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Cornelia Street # 346
Plattsburg,New
York 12901-2335
Phone: 518-643-8016
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